faith

Chapter Twenty: I Am Love

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I was always confused about Christian ideology regarding loving God above everything else. It wasn’t until I became more connected to my spiritual path that I realized that that concept was lost in translation or misconstrued at some point. I remember the first time I reflected on this concept when I was twenty-eight years old.

It was during a low point in my life, and I had just begun a program to help me get back into a post-secondary institution. I had already completed a Bachelor of Arts degree from Dalhousie University but found my BA didn’t help me find employment. So, I began this program to assist women who were either unemployed, underemployed, or living on Income assistance. I had been struggling and decided to apply.

I had befriended a girl in this course who was a few years older than me and a former addict. She had gotten herself clean and attributed her successful sobriety to her newfound Christian faith. During one of the icebreakers of our introduction to the program, we were asked to list all the things we loved the most in life and what mattered in our private worlds. I remember listening as she spoke and noted her choice to list God above all things and clarified that God mattered before anything else.

She came from a very conservative perspective, and her views of God differed significantly from mine. She is a mother of two and someone who approaches life very differently than I do, and I remember being very confused by that idea. That concept never felt suitable for me, and it wasn’t until I developed more spiritually and became more aware of how interconnected everything is and how, ultimately, we are all essentially individual sparks from that same light. I realized it makes sense, but only when I realized that we are all an extension of God.

I believe we are all divine beings who are fragments of a source that none of us could fully fathom. In the years following my time in this program, I realized that she and I were both right, but I resonate with those words and that belief differently than I did back then.

I’ve read about the importance of “I Am” and how they can create a strong foundation for how we see ourselves and interact with the world around us. When people use affirmations like, “I am happy,” “I am healthy,” “I am beautiful,” or “I am content,” it carries a weight with it because whatever follows the words “I am” becomes a part of who we are. So, there is a resonance within us and our bodies and all the things we put into this world because we are creators, and we all shape our worlds and realities.

The words “I Am” have spiritual implications and deep religious connotations and even appear in the bible. Jesus speaks those words about him being an aspect of God. He is a direct source of the divine and uses those words to denote that connection. In John 14:12, Jesus speaks about having faith in God and performing miracles, “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father,” which I find implies not only is he an extension of God and as such can do miraculous things, but he seems to suggest that connection is available to anyone. 

So, when we use the words “I Am” we are bridging our physical world with the spiritual world and must be mindful of using positive terminology to infuse positive energy into our lives. It’s not always easy to find positive things to say about ourselves; trust me, I know, but being mindful of it is essential. Those words invoke power, so choosing good words to describe ourselves is always important.

When you catch yourself saying things that you would find hurtful hearing from someone else, it’s good practice to take a moment and think of other adjectives or other things you like about yourself. This helps prevent negativity from being spoken into the world because the words “I am” help define what we are since whatever comes next is a part of who we are at our core. So, we must use kind words to describe ourselves because that essentially becomes what others see in us and how we see ourselves. It can impact what we can do physically because self-limiting beliefs can have real-life ramifications.

The choice to use loving words, loving thoughts, and loving emotions toward ourselves is how we find a deeper connection to that divine source. By loving ourselves unconditionally, through self-love specifically, we can reach higher levels of reference and a deeper understanding of that divine spark. When Jesus spoke about loving God it wasn’t about putting a spiritual being on a pedestal somewhere up in the sky; it was about knowing that we are part of that divine puzzle, we are all a piece of that same source. Instead of putting a “God like” figure or any spiritual teacher above us, the importance should be placed on loving ourselves first where we are currently and striving to incorporate the principles that Jesus spoke about into our lives. Through that choice to continually strive towards being kind to others and especially to ourselves, we can bridge here in the spirit world and become more enlightened individuals.

I believe that to love God fully is to love yourself first, and it is through self-love you can deepen your connection to a divine source of energy and inevitably transcend earthly limitations connected to areas that don’t serve the higher good. It’s often about baby steps, being gentle with yourself, and remembering that our loved ones on the other side, God, Jesus, our spirit guides, and all the benevolent beings assisting us on our journey love us unconditionally. It’s always a good practice to remember that we should do the same for ourselves.

Chapter Eighteen: Pearls of Wisdom

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There is no such thing as a coincidence—that is a fallacy, and when you begin to see the intricate play of situations that make up your life, you will start to see more synchronicities. There will be times when you are in alignment, and you notice things taking place in your life that leave zero shred of doubt as to what direction you should follow and what choices you should make.

A few years ago, while waiting for a bus on my way to work, I was working as a temp in a car dealership, hating every moment, and I remember one day, I was oblivious to everything happening around me. I had my earbuds in and the hood of my winter jacket up, and I was trying to keep warm before I could get on my third bus that morning. Suddenly, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and I looked up and saw a young, attractive man standing before me. I immediately took out my earbuds and looked up as he motioned towards the street we were on and asked me if any buses were expected to arrive at our stop.

I glanced to where he had pointed and realized the entire street was closed, and water was gushing everywhere. I started to panic because I knew I was still far from the dealership and had no idea how to get there on time. One might assume someone his age, who was younger than me and seemingly more put together, would have a cell phone. He immediately started asking me questions to which he already seemed to know the answer and guided me on which app to use and how to find the best route.

I luckily made it to work on time. Although I didn’t stay at that job very long, it was a stepping stone that saved my life figuratively. Without this perfect interaction, I wouldn’t have made it to work on time and likely would have quit shortly after, preventing me from getting to the next step in my journey. He needed to be there then, and I needed to listen to his advice.

I knew immediately in a spiritual sense what had happened. I had experienced moments like this and heard people talking about it in their own life. It might not have seemed as significant to others, but it was for me. It was that recognition of knowing there was more in my physical reality and this world than we can fully comprehend.

This notion of being in the right place at the right time is very much orchestrated on the other side, and a story from a family friend whose car broke down in the middle of nowhere often comes to mind. It had overheated, and she got out of her vehicle and tried to find out what was wrong. She began tinkering under her car’s hood when she heard an unfamiliar voice say to her, “I think your radiator needs water,” a few moments later, a man returned with a jug, which she poured into the radiator.

She started her car, put down the hood, and looked around to find herself alone on an isolated road. She knew something otherworldly had taken place but wasn’t sure what happened, but immediately went to see my mother, who could only tell her, “You’re driving around with holy water in your car.”

I’m sure there are moments in your own life when you tell other people and explain to them how miraculous it was that you survived a situation that seemed so daunting, or when you received the right words at the right moment, or you have heard about a friend who received some divine intervention that changed their life forever and could have even changed their views on spirituality.

The language that surrounds these scenarios is less important than the acknowledgement that they exist. I feel the importance lies in recognizing what took place was sacred. Perhaps beyond that not-too-distant veil that we may think is much further than it is, someone decided to step forward and assist in some manner to help you get to where you need to be.

These situations can also occur subtly more when we are guided through synchronicities where we hear the perfect song playing that reminds us of someone we love or multiple people tell us on the same day to apply for that job we’ve been considering. When we continually see spiritual signposts that gently nudge us to where we’re supposed to go for what seems far too long, we might feel more supported by spirit. It’s no less essential to receive those synchronistic moments in life. Although the big moments are great because they are good examples that allow us to feel heaven on earth for a moment, the reality is that even those seemingly less significant situations are just as critical.

The reality is nothing matters, and yet, at the same time, everything matters. In the same way, no life on earth is less important than another; the same is true for our choices and how interconnected everything is to the spirit world. There is no separation, and there is no death, and our lives, in retrospect, are very brief. What matters is being kind to ourselves and each other and remembering that we are just as crucial to that cosmic puzzle as the colleague who frustrates you the most, or your best friend who is doing way more exciting things in life than you are, or the homeless person trying to keep warm.

So, when you have a miraculous experience with a stranger who approaches you and tells you the absolute most perfect thing at that moment, trust that what you experienced was complete and divine. Feel the love that represents deep within your soul because that’s what it is. It’s their way of helping you and ensuring you don’t feel alone or guiding you in the right direction. So, if you ever receive wisdom from a kind stranger and are reluctant to heed the advice, remember those words stem from a place of unconditional love and that they want what is best for you. Treasure those interactions and remember how treasured you are.

Chapter Ten: Angel Encounters- A Lesson in Releasing Fear

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I had an event occur when I was a child that I will always hold close to my heart. It happened when I was nine and was crucial to my spiritual development. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night to the purest white light I have ever encountered, and since that happened, all light has paled in comparison. As I opened my eyes, I witnessed a beautiful angel standing at the foot of my bed.

The being presented itself in a feminine way and was statuesque. She was beautiful but held a severe expression and wore a white gown that flowed to the floor. Her wings were large and full of pure white feathers, and her presence felt commanding. I remember being terrified because of how otherworldly she was, and I felt utterly overwhelmed by the sight of her.

I instinctively grabbed my cat, who was sleeping with me and hid under the covers with him. When I summoned enough courage to uncover my face, she was gone. Her presence heralded difficult times ahead, and I saw her a few months before my father was viciously attacked in Vancouver, an event that permanently changed him mentally and physically.

Although I knew she was holy and emanated divine power. I never understood her stern and severe expression and had often questioned why she didn’t appear warmly to me. I often thought about it and worried about the implications of her face and what that said about me. Her stoicism lingered with me, and I often reflected on it until I could reconnect with her in 2019 when I began taking a course on spirituality, which changed my life in so many immeasurable ways. In hindsight, it was the gift of reconnection.

I remember I had a vision that was so clarifying and healing. I saw this exact figure I had seen as a child, but now she came to me so much softer. I saw myself on the property of my childhood home where I had initially encountered her, and she was under one of my favourite trees in the woods behind my house. She hugged me by a pond I visited frequently as a child and told me telepathically, “Do not be afraid…  you are on the right track… just trust.”

She was with Archangel Gabriel, and the interaction profoundly shifted my thoughts and feelings around the encounter I had experienced as a child. I remember I was so confused when I heard the words, “Do not be afraid.” It wasn’t until a few months later that I learned that specific phrase is commonly recounted when people describe their experiences with angels—when Archangel Gabriel is involved. Still, I kept that phrase to myself initially because I didn’t understand what it all meant.

Messages come through more profoundly and often circle back again since the beginning of my spiritual journey, which was a reconnection to a divine source. Those words, “Do not be afraid,” resonate stronger today and much more strongly than in 2019.

I have always been a loner and, often, just plain lonely, and I only recently realized how significantly detached I am and how I live in my thoughts most of the time. And since my thoughts were often safer than reality growing up, this resulted in a life lived and dreamed rather than experienced in the physical world.

So, from my perspective, the words “Do not be afraid” were never about fearing the angels themselves but about releasing my fear around my engagement with life. Life is meant to be experienced and fully lived, and I didn’t realize until that day how significantly cut off I had been from everything. Afraid to allow, afraid to share, afraid to think of how many unlimited possibilities there are. I wondered how often I had stayed small out of fear that things could go wrong and, more aptly, how often had I been terrified that something might go right.

Close to a year after having this meditation and seeing my angel again. I had moved into a new apartment. A few days before I vacated the premises, my mother was cooking and left a burner on high. She returned to her bedroom and forgot about it before the pot caught on fire. The cupboard doors were blackened entirely, and there was thick smoke everywhere.

I just assumed there was a lot of damage from the smoke alone from her description of the flames, but surprisingly, there wasn’t, and as I was packing boxes and going through my belongings, I found a journal that I had written in as a child, and this is what I wrote all those years ago.

“October 16, 1996, Page 1

Last week, I awoke to be startled by an angel. She had short hair, and she had wings and big brown eyes. She looked troubled and serious.”

I didn’t remember writing it, but it was an immensely appreciated message from Spirit on such a chaotic and stressful day. It was something tangible and solid that I could hold and look at as a reminder of the divine nature of the universe and the synchronicities that are so dear to me.

Chapter Eight: My Date with Saint Francis

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In 2018, one of the Catholic Churches in the city had the relic of Saint Frances of Assisi on display. I’ve never considered myself a religious person but having known a little bit about the life of this particular saint and feeling drawn to his spiritual views, I felt compelled to go. I wasn’t raised catholic, and although relics were a foreign concept. I liked the idea of being near someone whose teachings aligned well with my thoughts on spirituality. I now realize that a relic isn’t necessary to bridge that gap, and I’ve felt closer to him by speaking his words than I ever did by standing inside a church.

I began reading his prayers most days over the past few years, and although I have altered some of the wording to shy away from Christian doctrine – the sentiment remains the same. To me, his words are something to strive for and aspire to—every day and depending on what moment I read these passages, different aspects of the same prayer feel more heavily weighted.

I had been struggling with my health, stress levels, and navigating my spiritual compass. I’m sure fear had been the common denominator with all these issues, and I continually work through it all; I just felt less secure about navigating major decisions at various moments in my life, but when I discovered this quotation from Saint Francis there was such a resonance in his words that I immediately felt better. His words, “Wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there lightly.” It has had a profound impact on my life.

Something about this phrase immediately creates a subtle shift within me and forms a loving buffer. Most things in life are either out of my control or ultimately unimportant, and I do not need to desperately latch on to and dwell upon everything that happens to me. I need to be in the world, but not of it, to live and move so that I’m not so emotionally attached to everything that happens, to effectively “wear the world” lightly and be at peace.

There’s a lot of wisdom to be gained from choosing what things impact our lives, and the easiest way for me to think about it is the opinions of others and what kind of attachments we form in life. The best way to move through this world is with ease, in the sense that we can always be bogged down by trivialities or dwell on the opinions of others, but ultimately, someone’s idea of me has absolutely nothing to do with me.

If I can look at myself in the mirror and love what I see staring back at me, I can find a way to manage the rest. Maybe not always physically, but on a soul level, I can be okay with who I am. There have been multiple instances in my life where I felt unworthy, incapable, and not good enough for careers or other opportunities, but then later witnessed others succeeding at that very thing with maybe less natural skill. Still, the fact that they were willing to show up and do the work meant that they were ten steps ahead of me.

It stems from childhood conditioning, in assuming that I would be made fun of or not respected enough, so I decided against pursuing certain things in favour of a safer, more reliable route. Still, it gets to a point when you start re-evaluating how things work out for people who choose the safe path.

Sometimes, the people who decide to stay in well-paying jobs with a pension aren’t all that happy, and if I were made to choose financial security over Peace of Mind, then I would choose Peace of Mind 100% of the time. I’m only here once for this specific incarnation. Because of that, I will continue to be weird, sometimes reckless, and utterly unconventional. I will always value how I feel about my choices over how others view my decisions.

We apologize for not fitting into the moulds that others created for us. Still, often, they’re outdated and need to be remodelled or broken altogether so we can improve this world and our present realities. Joy and freedom of expression are meant for all of us, not just those in positions of power dictating how society should be run. It’s very much Okay to be different and to break the rules sometimes, specifically when those rules impede on the rights of others or don’t follow our internal code of conduct.

Remember to focus on what sparks joy and creates ease within yourself. Trust that as your inner guide to lead the way, rather than what others tell you, is the right decision. Many horrible atrocities have been rationalized because the rules were just seen as part of the status quo and not to be questioned. Regardless of whether it’s a life decision or my personal belief, I will be guided by my inner compass because it’s easier to lose the respect of others than it is to regain my self-respect. Relationships often don’t last forever, but I must justify my choices to the person who stares back at me from the mirror, and to me, that is far more important than appeasing people who might not be kind on the inside.

The St. Francis Peace Prayer holds excellent resonance with me. It reminds me always to be mindful of how I conduct myself in every moment since I am the only person who gets to decide how I conduct myself. The reality is that none of us are perfect and should not aspire to be perfect, but I find it helpful not to feel burdened by the perceptions of others because I don’t want to leave this life full of regret over the choices I didn’t make because I felt too self-conscious to put myself out there. We will make mistakes, but those mistakes often lead us to where we’re meant to be and are just as important, if not more so, than the highs in life. It’s more about realizing what is important to you and letting go of the rest.  

Chapter Four: “Ghosts” and Spirits

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From as far back as I can remember, spirituality and spiritual encounters have always been a part of my life, and one of my earliest memories is routinely waking up in the middle of the night and asking my mom to turn off the television in my room. I saw illuminated images as if projected on my wall, and she informed me that was impossible because there was no TV in my room, and she would ask me to describe what I was seeing.

I would explain the images I would see and describe the people interacting with one another in my room. I always found it too bright to keep my eyes closed and ignore, and she would explain that she couldn’t turn the TV off and that I would have to learn to turn those images off in my mind.

I often saw cats that had passed away and even argued with one of my elementary school teachers about the colour of their fur because I had started to see their auras; they had already passed away and often had been struck by cars. I couldn’t tell the difference, and I didn’t realize that cats couldn’t be purple as I had seen so many that colour.

I was so accustomed to seeing the spirit world, which was so matter-of-fact. I never realized, which is a good thing, how unusual my experiences were growing up, but not being fully aware of how unique they might be. I would write in my diary about seeing an angel in my room, and then in the following sentence, I would complain about a friend I was fighting with. The spirit world was so commonplace that it never felt weird to me, which makes it weird considering how often these things happened.

I was fortunate to have a mother who didn’t quash my experiences. I often think about what would have happened if I had been born into a family of atheists and had these experiences. Not that there’s anything wrong with being an atheist, but what kind of psychiatric involvement might have occurred had I been born into another family? I wonder what my life would have looked like, but I believe we chose our families before incarnating into the physical world. We choose many of the experiences we face, but having a parent who nurtured that aspect of my development was extraordinarily helpful in becoming the person I am and being open to spiritual connection.

I remember there was one moment when I was a child sitting in the living room of a cottage, we lived in that my mom was renting at the time. The ocean was literally in my backyard, and we overlooked a cove. I was playing on the floor when I glanced up and saw a woman standing in the kitchen. I couldn’t see her face, but I drew a picture of what this woman looked like and showed it to my mom, and she said, “That looks like my mother; that’s a dress she would wear.” She told me my grandmother hated having her picture taken, so it made sense that I didn’t see her face.

At that time, I had never seen a photo of her wearing anything other than her wedding dress, so I thought the clothing didn’t seem accurate for the 1960’s. I was very young and was under the impression that people during that period wore clothing reminiscent of the 1800s. Still, when my mom said she commonly wore similar dresses, it felt like I met my grandmother at that moment. It didn’t scare me—it felt nice to meet her uniquely— in spirit form. She lost both of her parents at a very young age, and I never got to meet either one of them.

I had a few other spiritually significant experiences while I lived in this cottage, which I always found fascinating because we only lived there for eight months, but it was a nice place to live. I remember watching a pair of bald Eagles take their baby out onto the ice, being given live lobsters, and putting one back into the water in hopes it might make it.

We lived off a narrow dirt road, and next door to us were some cottages owned by the local nunnery where nuns would go and spend time during various parts of the year. I remember being alone in the woods near their property, and I would see earthbound spirits in the woods. And I would go back inside and ask my mom why a woman and child were standing amongst the trees staring at me.

Their clothing didn’t match the period we were living in, but they seemed real enough for me not to realize they weren’t alive. I remember them silently looking at me, and it scared my mom. She told me not to go near those people or talk to them—so I didn’t.

I also remember leaving home one day. We were driving to town, and as we made our way down the narrow road, I noticed a man walking towards us. He was dressed entirely in yellow fisherman gear, including a sou’wester-style hat. My mom was hugging the right side of the road, where he was walking, and I yelled at her to be careful—that she almost hit that guy. She asked me, “What guy?” and I said, “The fisherman who was dressed in yellow walking towards us,” she looked towards her rear-view mirror, and there was no one behind us, and it would have been impossible for her to miss the man that I saw walking towards our car.

I remember later in my childhood, I had a dream about my maternal grandparents and that they came to say goodbye to her siblings and herself. In my dream, my mom, aunt, and uncles were all children, and I watched their parents say their goodbyes. They explained how they had to leave, were so sorry, and wished they could stay but couldn’t.

Everyone was crying, and her parents told them they loved them very much but had to go. I remember waking up in the morning and describing the dream to my mom, surprised by her reaction. I was young when I had this dream, and immediately, my mom started crying and explained how sometimes we have dreams for other people. That there are messages that are meant to be relayed to others. She seemed very angry behind her tears, and I didn’t understand it then.

Looking at that memory years later and having since become more reconnected to my spiritual roots, it saddened me to think about my mom not having that sort of connection to her parents until that point. As a family, we often gravitated towards films about ghosts because that’s all that depicted what happens after we pass away. There weren’t a lot of TV shows either that focused on anything other than hauntings, and a lot of times, I think the media, television, or movies have a way of sensationalizing the spirit world or skewing things in a negative way that inherently impacts our views of the spirit world.

I often see articles online or Internet threads that talk about scary things that take place that people can’t explain. I read through them, and I can tell it’s just a family member trying to get a message to their loved one, but they don’t view it as a positive thing because they’re so used to seeing scary movies about negative themes.

We didn’t want to watch these movies because we loved being scared. It was because, on some level, we wanted to watch something that we could connect to. It was something that related to personal experiences we had in our lives, and these films felt like the only thing we could grasp that felt otherworldly or unexplainable. Still, unfortunately, these kinds of movies, as fun as they are, can sometimes impede our view of eternal life.

I find that it’s less common to find earthbound spirits roaming everywhere than it is to see loved ones in spirit attempting to give a message. Typically, our loved ones send many signs. Still, it’s common for people to have a dream, a synchronistic event, or something unusual take place and misinterpret the movement because they’re looking at it from the perspective that it’s something to fear. I think that’s part of why children are so open because they haven’t yet learned that the spirit world is something to be “feared, and once that fear is instilled, it’s hard to break away from it.

So, we begin to distrust what we experience, block it out, assume the worst, and try to separate ourselves from it until it no longer happens. We become less open and less receptive to receiving those messages because we put up walls or actively ask spirits to stop doing what they’re doing.

One of the incredible things about seeing psychics, mediums, or spirit talkers using their gifts and showcasing their abilities more openly to the world is that up until recently, these kinds of subjects were only referenced in horror films. We all have been impacted by loss, and for the most part, our deceased loved ones seek communication with us in the same ways we long for contact with them. 

It’s only unconditional love on the other side, and the less fear we have surrounding what lies ahead of us or what obstacles we need to overcome, the better we will feel. Suppose we try to infuse as much joy and love into everything we do and permit ourselves to be more excited by being fully engaged. In that case, we will have more peace and appreciation by actively choosing loving energy rather than feeling continually stuck or afraid of the process. The better we will be in all areas of our lives, and as accurate as this is for the spirit world, it’s equally valid for plunging both feet into the proverbial uncharted waters of our lives.

Part of our collective mission is to unlearn many things and question the nature of existence and how we see our reality. I think a lot of the time if we can get back to a place of childlike wonder and excitement and see things through the perspective of, “Why can’t it be done?” or “Why can’t it be me?” or “So what if it hasn’t been done before?” We can be more aligned, live our lives to the fullest, and be more connected to the spirit world.

So, if you have young children, and you know they are open to the spirit world, be open to their experiences, try to view the world through their eyes, and listen to them. When they see things and have unique experiences, you can see a whole other world through their eyes—things we can only begin to imagine. Ultimately, it’s about that reconnection to ourselves and that spiritual light. As we help ourselves heal what needs to be healed, we can do so much good in this world and rekindle our perception of the spirit world from a childlike perspective.