As a child, I often found myself not paying attention in class, which I think was mainly because I was so often bullied in school, even within the classroom setting, and I was just smart enough not to have to apply myself, so I didn’t.

So, I effectively learned how to daydream my days away until I could go home, and I didn’t realize how vast my dreamscape was in terms of how I lived my life until I started working for a hotel in my city of Halifax, Nova Scotia back in 2021 as a reservation agent. I was working under a woman who was, in hindsight, cartoonishly vindictive and would go out of her way to make my life difficult when it would only add more work for her. She wasn’t the brightest light on the street, and I noticed I began to zone out while doing my job. I was good at it since it was easy, and once I figured out all the software, I could easily daydream about other things while booking guests into the hotel rooms.

In a sense, I was living life from a space of non-existence and at the time, it brought me joy because I was disassociated from reality and numbing out from sheer willpower alone. I was living in the fantasy world of my creation, and I became aware that while some people use drugs or alcohol, and I think even mental illness to some degree sometimes, I was getting through life by merely daydreaming my way through it. It felt easier not fully seeing and experiencing the world but just being numb to it all and creating my reality.

I was genuinely content during this phase of my life. Still, I was also not living it either or feeling rewarded in a philanthropic sense, and I wholeheartedly know that spirit is much more aware and has a greater plan for all of us than we could ever fully grasp. We are often guided by nature, and sometimes forcibly so—into positions that allow us to best serve others, often by making us feel uncomfortable doing what is deemed as status quo or what seems like the most levelheaded, balanced or “normal” option because our purpose for being here is more crucial to the development of humanity than working a job that gives us “stability.”

Sometimes, there is no other option for those with a calling in life. We can try different careers, but ultimately, we will be pushed into a specific role because it is part of our life mission, what is best for others and why we incarnate. It’s what we signed up for before we arrived here in this lifetime, so regardless of what we think we should be doing, the universe will gently nudge us in the right direction.

And in all honesty, it sucks sometimes. There are moments when I reflect on my past self and my ability to drift through life as if I wasn’t even really here, and I have fleeting thoughts. Still, they pale in comparison because I was effectively sleepwalking through life and not accomplishing things that would invoke pride within myself or doing what felt innate to me. I was barely here and being nudged to be more present and express myself more.

It’s easier to live a safe life, and I was afraid to delve into things that inspire me the most because I was afraid to fail at something that meant so much to me. As comfortable as it is to continue to exist in my little wonderland, I was not doing what I was told to do by taking calls from a tiny office, and I wasn’t making a high-yield spiritual impact by working at a job like that. Spirit knew, spirit always knows, and I needed to remove myself from the situation to spend more time reflecting and musing about my experiences.

Eventually, my boss, a great teacher in my quirky little life story, decided to make my work life more uncomfortable, and I decided to part ways with the establishment. I was working on a creative project, which became more demanding of my time, and it was just spirit’s way of pushing me to do something better and more in alignment with who I am and what I want to become.

Sometimes, I think I know what’s better for me than better than the universe does. I can get caught up in thinking about how my life should look and how things should develop and unfold. Still, I’m not supposed to control every detail of my life, and sometimes, I have romanticized relationships or situations that I thought were meant for me. I felt that parting ways would be far too devastating a fate—only to move past that experience to find out later there was something far more significant and better suited for me, but had I not gone through those initial experiences, I might not have had such a deep appreciation for the good things that eventually came into my life.

Sometimes, growing spiritually creates an unusual offshoot and an unspoken side effect that can leave you questioning whether it’s worth it. Ultimately, it is, but there are moments where doubt can creep in, and I can go off track due to not being grounded enough, but spirit gently reminds me to realign myself and take a moment to breathe—breathe. The greatest gift I have ever received is transcending that veil and fully seeing how much our reality pales compared to what lies on the other side. When we realize that all our experiences are transient, whether good or bad, it helps us trudge through life’s difficulties more easily and reminds us how vast the concept of living is when we remove death from the equation. 

Each person has a purpose for being here. We should all strive to find a path that makes us happy and to lessen the pain of others around us since it is far better to serve the higher good and fulfill our unique purpose for being here than living our lives for others.

The world is far too dark sometimes and bleak to limit our self-perception to an image we were taught to accept as who we truly are. I’d much rather live a life where I feel I’m making a difference than lesson myself for “keeping up with the Joneses” or fulfilling an acquaintance’s view of who I should be.

Our time here is precious, and our purpose isn’t to daydream through life or fast forward through the weekdays so we can enjoy moments when we’re not sitting in a cubicle, longing to be somewhere else. It’s about making the opportunities count, helping others move through life in a less burdensome way, and enjoying the sweet aspects of life with the ones we love as often as we can.