I was always confused about Christian ideology regarding loving God above everything else. It wasn’t until I became more connected to my spiritual path that I realized that that concept was lost in translation or misconstrued at some point. I remember the first time I reflected on this concept when I was twenty-eight years old.

It was during a low point in my life, and I had just begun a program to help me get back into a post-secondary institution. I had already completed a Bachelor of Arts degree from Dalhousie University but found my BA didn’t help me find employment. So, I began this program to assist women who were either unemployed, underemployed, or living on Income assistance. I had been struggling and decided to apply.

I had befriended a girl in this course who was a few years older than me and a former addict. She had gotten herself clean and attributed her successful sobriety to her newfound Christian faith. During one of the icebreakers of our introduction to the program, we were asked to list all the things we loved the most in life and what mattered in our private worlds. I remember listening as she spoke and noted her choice to list God above all things and clarified that God mattered before anything else.

She came from a very conservative perspective, and her views of God differed significantly from mine. She is a mother of two and someone who approaches life very differently than I do, and I remember being very confused by that idea. That concept never felt suitable for me, and it wasn’t until I developed more spiritually and became more aware of how interconnected everything is and how, ultimately, we are all essentially individual sparks from that same light. I realized it makes sense, but only when I realized that we are all an extension of God.

I believe we are all divine beings who are fragments of a source that none of us could fully fathom. In the years following my time in this program, I realized that she and I were both right, but I resonate with those words and that belief differently than I did back then.

I’ve read about the importance of “I Am” and how they can create a strong foundation for how we see ourselves and interact with the world around us. When people use affirmations like, “I am happy,” “I am healthy,” “I am beautiful,” or “I am content,” it carries a weight with it because whatever follows the words “I am” becomes a part of who we are. So, there is a resonance within us and our bodies and all the things we put into this world because we are creators, and we all shape our worlds and realities.

The words “I Am” have spiritual implications and deep religious connotations and even appear in the bible. Jesus speaks those words about him being an aspect of God. He is a direct source of the divine and uses those words to denote that connection. In John 14:12, Jesus speaks about having faith in God and performing miracles, “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father,” which I find implies not only is he an extension of God and as such can do miraculous things, but he seems to suggest that connection is available to anyone. 

So, when we use the words “I Am” we are bridging our physical world with the spiritual world and must be mindful of using positive terminology to infuse positive energy into our lives. It’s not always easy to find positive things to say about ourselves; trust me, I know, but being mindful of it is essential. Those words invoke power, so choosing good words to describe ourselves is always important.

When you catch yourself saying things that you would find hurtful hearing from someone else, it’s good practice to take a moment and think of other adjectives or other things you like about yourself. This helps prevent negativity from being spoken into the world because the words “I am” help define what we are since whatever comes next is a part of who we are at our core. So, we must use kind words to describe ourselves because that essentially becomes what others see in us and how we see ourselves. It can impact what we can do physically because self-limiting beliefs can have real-life ramifications.

The choice to use loving words, loving thoughts, and loving emotions toward ourselves is how we find a deeper connection to that divine source. By loving ourselves unconditionally, through self-love specifically, we can reach higher levels of reference and a deeper understanding of that divine spark. When Jesus spoke about loving God it wasn’t about putting a spiritual being on a pedestal somewhere up in the sky; it was about knowing that we are part of that divine puzzle, we are all a piece of that same source. Instead of putting a “God like” figure or any spiritual teacher above us, the importance should be placed on loving ourselves first where we are currently and striving to incorporate the principles that Jesus spoke about into our lives. Through that choice to continually strive towards being kind to others and especially to ourselves, we can bridge here in the spirit world and become more enlightened individuals.

I believe that to love God fully is to love yourself first, and it is through self-love you can deepen your connection to a divine source of energy and inevitably transcend earthly limitations connected to areas that don’t serve the higher good. It’s often about baby steps, being gentle with yourself, and remembering that our loved ones on the other side, God, Jesus, our spirit guides, and all the benevolent beings assisting us on our journey love us unconditionally. It’s always a good practice to remember that we should do the same for ourselves.

I had an event occur when I was a child that I will always hold close to my heart. It happened when I was nine and was crucial to my spiritual development. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night to the purest white light I have ever encountered, and since that happened, all light has paled in comparison. As I opened my eyes, I witnessed a beautiful angel standing at the foot of my bed.

The being presented itself in a feminine way and was statuesque. She was beautiful but held a severe expression and wore a white gown that flowed to the floor. Her wings were large and full of pure white feathers, and her presence felt commanding. I remember being terrified because of how otherworldly she was, and I felt utterly overwhelmed by the sight of her.

I instinctively grabbed my cat, who was sleeping with me and hid under the covers with him. When I summoned enough courage to uncover my face, she was gone. Her presence heralded difficult times ahead, and I saw her a few months before my father was viciously attacked in Vancouver, an event that permanently changed him mentally and physically.

Although I knew she was holy and emanated divine power. I never understood her stern and severe expression and had often questioned why she didn’t appear warmly to me. I often thought about it and worried about the implications of her face and what that said about me. Her stoicism lingered with me, and I often reflected on it until I could reconnect with her in 2019 when I began taking a course on spirituality, which changed my life in so many immeasurable ways. In hindsight, it was the gift of reconnection.

I remember I had a vision that was so clarifying and healing. I saw this exact figure I had seen as a child, but now she came to me so much softer. I saw myself on the property of my childhood home where I had initially encountered her, and she was under one of my favourite trees in the woods behind my house. She hugged me by a pond I visited frequently as a child and told me telepathically, “Do not be afraid…  you are on the right track… just trust.”

She was with Archangel Gabriel, and the interaction profoundly shifted my thoughts and feelings around the encounter I had experienced as a child. I remember I was so confused when I heard the words, “Do not be afraid.” It wasn’t until a few months later that I learned that specific phrase is commonly recounted when people describe their experiences with angels—when Archangel Gabriel is involved. Still, I kept that phrase to myself initially because I didn’t understand what it all meant.

Messages come through more profoundly and often circle back again since the beginning of my spiritual journey, which was a reconnection to a divine source. Those words, “Do not be afraid,” resonate stronger today and much more strongly than in 2019.

I have always been a loner and, often, just plain lonely, and I only recently realized how significantly detached I am and how I live in my thoughts most of the time. And since my thoughts were often safer than reality growing up, this resulted in a life lived and dreamed rather than experienced in the physical world.

So, from my perspective, the words “Do not be afraid” were never about fearing the angels themselves but about releasing my fear around my engagement with life. Life is meant to be experienced and fully lived, and I didn’t realize until that day how significantly cut off I had been from everything. Afraid to allow, afraid to share, afraid to think of how many unlimited possibilities there are. I wondered how often I had stayed small out of fear that things could go wrong and, more aptly, how often had I been terrified that something might go right.

Close to a year after having this meditation and seeing my angel again. I had moved into a new apartment. A few days before I vacated the premises, my mother was cooking and left a burner on high. She returned to her bedroom and forgot about it before the pot caught on fire. The cupboard doors were blackened entirely, and there was thick smoke everywhere.

I just assumed there was a lot of damage from the smoke alone from her description of the flames, but surprisingly, there wasn’t, and as I was packing boxes and going through my belongings, I found a journal that I had written in as a child, and this is what I wrote all those years ago.

“October 16, 1996, Page 1

Last week, I awoke to be startled by an angel. She had short hair, and she had wings and big brown eyes. She looked troubled and serious.”

I didn’t remember writing it, but it was an immensely appreciated message from Spirit on such a chaotic and stressful day. It was something tangible and solid that I could hold and look at as a reminder of the divine nature of the universe and the synchronicities that are so dear to me.