My excessive need to apologize has been pointed out by practically anyone I have spent more than a few minutes with, hence the name of this book and title chapter. For the longest time, I had to work with the feelings surrounding why I apologize so needlessly.

I grappled with the untrue belief that I was unworthy and unwanted and felt self-conscious. While also being overly conscious of hurting others because I didn’t want to hurt anyone—ever! I knew what it was like to be broken, and I have always tried my best not to return those feelings, even when they were often dished out to me. I don’t consider myself a pushover, though, and I never want to be, but I do feel so much and have avoided interactions with others when I feel like I’m not in a good headspace to protect them if I’m feeling grumpy.

One of the primary reasons I quit drinking alcohol a few years ago was that I couldn’t control myself when I had too much to drink, and I didn’t enjoy thinking about my behaviour from the previous evening.  I chalked it up to being born with an allotted set number of drinks, and sobriety stemmed from exceeding my spiritual limit. I did find that when I drank excessively, I was effectively stealing happiness from my future self, and I was already struggling with depressive tendencies anyway, so it just felt like a natural evolution. I have a more balanced relationship with alcohol today and typically will have one or two drinks periodically. The fortunate offshoot of growing up for me is that hangovers become exceedingly less appealing as time passes.

The jokes around my need to apologize became more evident while I attended university. My friends created “The I’m Sorry Jar” since I apologized too much. Instead of a swear jar, the issue was firmly based on being too apologetic. I was the only one who put money into that thing, but I did so faithfully because I’ll admit it was excessive! Although I do tend to apologize too much, I also believe there’s great importance in recognizing when mistakes have been made.

So many societal issues stem from things not being acknowledged and being pushed under the rug or hidden behind closed doors. Everyone would be happier if we realized that others suffer too sometimes and that just because someone doesn’t talk about their struggles openly doesn’t mean it’s easy for them.

I, for one, can be too quick to judge sometimes because of past experiences that created the lens through which I view this world. I am mindful that the only things I can control are how I respond to my external world and how I reflect upon the decisions I make. Ultimately, we can only control ourselves because our perceptions shape our realities, and we must take accountability when situations arise where we are to blame so that we can thoroughly learn from our mistakes and find ways to heal and not repeat those patterns.

As annoying as it is to hear myself say I’m sorry 1000 times too many. I would prefer that to leave doubt in anyone’s mind about my misgivings. When a person is aware that they screwed up and actively try to make things better, it creates a much more conducive space for great healing.

Sometimes, I think we’re all just little children in grown-up bodies trying to make our way through life with some of the hurts we’ve picked up along the way; maybe it’s through knowing that it’s okay to let go of some of these things that have caused pain, or trusting it wasn’t our fault, or by seeing ourselves in someone else’s story that we can finally understand we’re not broken.

No one is broken. We are just under the false belief that we are. Maybe we need to find our way through it all and remember it’s okay to mourn for ourselves sometimes and imagine how things could have turned out if only things had been different or by recognizing the struggles that others face, too.

The reality is there is no easy life for anyone. Each one of us has faced struggles other people couldn’t begin to comprehend. The more people can speak candidly about the pain within their hearts and souls, the more healing they can provide to others and themselves.

In a sense, anyone reading this book who struggles in life and feels like they are misunderstood, freakish, alienated, unwanted, unlovable, unheard, weird, or uninvited feel a little bit lighter after reading this, which I hope that it helps in their path and assists in your healing so that you can walk through life a little less bogged down by worry and stress.

If you find resonance within these pages, I want to let you know that I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this burden for so long, and I wish you so much success in your life. I hope you can express yourself freely and show others the unique way you see the world. I hope that you heal those parts of yourself that you might believe can’t be recovered and that you go out and try to make someone else’s day a little bit brighter.